Letting Go
by Nonnihil Scelestus
Summary: Garrett lets go of life because of unrequited love.


**Letting Go**

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just borrowing them for a little while.

He watched as se smiled and them laughed at whatever the good-looking Aussie had said. They were closer than before and it looked as if Jordan might put aside some of her neurosis for him. She might stop running this time. He sighed; every time he saw them together it stabbed just a little harder somewhere in the vicinity of his heart. She was his best friend but since he had been back, things seemed a little strained.

He sighed again and turned back to his desk and sat down. His coffee cup steamed gently where it sat abandoned. He sat down and reached into the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a bottle. Pouring a liberal amount into the cup, he put it away and leaned back in the chair. He felt as if he was losing her and there was no way to stop it or perhaps he was losing himself. She seemed to be over Woody and moving on. However he hadn't wanted her to move on with someone else. He wanted her to be his and his alone. He wanted to be done with this job and to be left alone to be an old washed up drummer without a band, but he also wanted Jordan and to be near her as well. That meant staying at the morgue. Something he was not all that excited about. He sighed again and got up. The day was over and her wanted to go home. However home held no attraction for him. There wasn't anything there but emptiness. Something that went everywhere with him anyway.

The drive home was short and he didn't entirely pay attention. When he pulled into his garage he was surprised he made it without incident. He went inside and sat down in his easy chair. He grabbed his near by bottle of scotch and drank straight from the bottle. What did it matter if he drank from a glass or not, no on would see. He sighed once more, the loneliness creeping up on him like a suffocating blanket. He wondered what it would be like to surrender to sweet oblivion and never have to feel lonely or empty again. It seemed quite inviting to him.

He rose slowly and went to his bedroom, looking for the first aid hit. He always kept a scalpel in his for emergencies. He was a doctor. I wasn't like he didn't know where to cut. He picked it up and went back to his easy chair. He was just drunk enough not to care anymore. Its not like Jordan would ever love him. He wasn't even sure she cared as a friend anymore.

He picked up a pen and some paper and started to write. He only said a few things before setting it aside. He took the scalpel to his wrist pressing hard and deep , then switched hands and repeated the process with his other wrist. It took only moments for him to bleed out and sink into blessed oblivion.

It was Jordan who found his note when he hadn't shown up for work in 2 days.

_Dear…well everyone,_

_Don't mourn for me. It wasn't your fault. I just didn't have anything to live for. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, any of you, but I cant live anymore. I'm tired of this life and my job and the loneliness and the emptiness. I loved without return, but I'm happy now. I'm at peace._

_Garrett_

Jordan sobbed over his body. She never wanted to stand over her best friends body as an M.E. She knew somehow he had loved her, but never acknowledged it, and now he was gone and there was nothing she could do.

In Loving Memory Of Garrett Macy 

_The best friend a person could have,_

_A great doctor and a great man._

_**I saw you through the glass,**_

_**Happy and laughing,**_

_**Content and on your way to love,**_

_**No more running scared,**_

_**No more depression**_

_**Wish it was me you were falling for.**_

_**But who's to say out love would last,**_

_**Who's to say our hearts would match,**_

_**Certainly not me,**_

_**Cause I knew I'd never have you,**_

_**Yeah I knew I'd never have you.**_

_**So I let you go and walked away,**_

_**I didn't say a word because I knew,**_

_**I couldn't fight this fight over you,**_

_**I knew I couldn't win this battle**_

_**I just let things go**_

_**Because I knew I'd never have your love.**_

_**But who's to say our love would last,**_

_**Who's to say our hearts would match,**_

_**Certainly not me,**_

_**Cause I knew I'd never have you**_

_**Yeah, I knew I'd never have you.**_

_**Time seemed always on my side,**_

_**But I guess time lied**_

_**I never knew the future,**_

_**Never really wanted to know,**_

_**Wish I had, cause I could have told you the truth,**_

_**Now I'm gone and I cant say a word.**_

_**But who's to say our love would last**_

_**Who's to say our hearts would match,**_

_**Certainly not me,**_

_**Cause I knew I'd never have you,**_

_**Yeah, I knew I'd never have you.**_


End file.
